Hello and welcome to a look inside Israel today! J of Jerusalem has sent a really wonderful thank you note and explanation for all those who read here, pray and even take time to comment. I thought I was going to post that today . . .and I will soon! But then this following letter came, and it impacted me so much, I was in tears a good part of the day. I’m praying that it blesses and moves you too, closer to Him. Now here’s J . . .
“Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days.” Ecclesiastes 11:1
That scripture has new meaning in my life today.
I have notes that I have made…observations…that I would like to share with you.
I have burdens concerning our nation that should be shared as Purim and the fast of Esther rapidly approach, and as most of you pray for us here.
Our Prime Minister has been with the Prime Minister of Canada and will today be with the American President.
I have thanks to give for our incredible rains and snow in Jerusalem and around the country.
But, I have a personal testimony that won’t keep quiet, so I hope that you will share my blessing and be encouraged, or just delete it if it is not of concern to you.
These letters have been more difficult for me to write lately because I have been drowning.
I know that we often feel as though we have ‘come to the end of it’: our strength, His mercy, however we want to put it, and we have all proven that He really IS faithful in every need and situation, and that we never go by ‘feelings’. I have been assuring myself of that for a very very long time…trusting that He was keeping me in His way…and that He, Who has promised to breath His Spirit into the dry bones of the whole house of Israel, (Ezek 37) would even breath fresh life into me again, His child who wants to follow Him.
It wasn’t happening.
I was exhausted, mind, body and spirit. I was scared that I was ‘loosing my way’, and even depressed. I wasn’t nice. I was loveless. I ‘just couldn’t do it’ (‘it’ meaning ‘keep up with life) anymore and it seemed that, not only weren’t my prayers being answered, but things (situations) were collapsing at an alarming (and demanding!) rate all around me. I was still getting up very early to spend my time with Him, in His Word, worship, meditation and prayer, but my prayer time was mainly a silent scream that I couldn’t put words to. I would say ‘Help me, Lord.’ But not much more…I couldn’t put words to what was happening so I had to believe that He would ‘translate’ the huge rocky burden that had taken the place of my heart (so it seemed to me).
One day, right around my birthday I received an email announcement concerning a speaker from America who was coming to encourage the believers here. We get many notices of things like this, or a sale on Hebrew Bibles, or a soldier’s meeting…just general announcements through the network of local believers, and I usually just delete. This one, LITERALLY, jumped out at me. I looked at it and laughed. ‘Right! Woman’s meeting free in Tel Aviv Thursday from 7-10 pm and Friday from 9-noon.’ I had no idea who this lady was or what she would be speaking about. Hotel was NOT covered. Why was I keeping this?? I went to delete it. My hand couldn’t do it. “I want you to go to this.” I heard that clearly! I printed it out and later put it in my Bible. ‘Ok, Lord. If that IS You, You know ALL of the miracles that will have to happen to make it come to pass.’ Since I didn’t know who this woman was I wanted to run her name past some friends. “NO!” (…hum)…”no?…ok…how about the internet?’ The answer was, again, a firm “NO!” First step was to see if I could get those two days off from work. Before I could speak to my boss, the other secretary told me that she needed 2 days for me to substitute for her…’would I trade 2 days?’ So much for THAT problem. Now for a few others. I have NEVER done anything like this! It is NOT something ‘done’ in our family tradition…that the wife would just up and go to Tel Aviv for the night alone at a hotel. In 17 years I have only passed through Tel Aviv twice, and didn’t LIKE Tel Aviv (which has just been named, to our disgrace, the homosexual capital of the world!)…the secular city that never sleeps. The hotel where the meeting would be held was in the south section…the slum area. And then there was the price. We just didn’t have it to spare. Mountains. I put all of these mountains in front of The Lord.
Our family was all over at our apartment for shabat dinner and I was even more exhausted and grumpy then I had been lately. ‘You need a rest, Ma.’ my son in law said. ‘As a matter of fact, I want to go to Tel Aviv for the 1st and 2nd of March and stay at a hotel and go to a women’s meeting…maybe.’ (by that time I had looked up the hotel and found that it was owned by Ya’akov Damkani [believers!] and was a block from the beach. I figured that if this woman was ‘off the wall’, I’d go and walk on the beach and spend the time just alone with God!) The words just jumped out of my mouth! To my own surprise I continued; ‘I want this for my birthday present. I want to go.’ Everyone stared at me! ‘Alone??’ they asked ‘EXACTLY!’ I answered. ‘I NEED TO BE ALONE WITH GOD…AND I WANT THIS.’ The mountains crumbled and it was a done deal. Following that night, I kept my mouth closed about this. If it was indeed The Lord, I would leave it before Him Alone. In looking back, perhaps I felt like the mother who was given a son through the promise of Elijah (or Elisha? Oy) and then her son died…she saddled a donkey and just went…the cry in my heart was so great that there just were no words.
As I packed Wed night, the storm was so greatly raging outside that a huge tree fell and cut the power lines. Never mind. I packed in the very dim light of one candle, shivering with cold. What a picture of my state! Storm raging, power cut, shivering, just keep walking! The weather called for ‘monster storm’ to continue with snow and winds to 200 km per hour…torrential rains, floods. I went to work until 10am and took an expensive taxi home to get my bag. If I had gone by bus and train, it would have taken me an hour and a half and I would have been soaked. I grabbed my bag and took the train to the central bus station, and then a bus to Tel Aviv. There I was lost, and since the rains were so strong, I took another expensive taxi to the hotel. Although it is in such a dingy part of town, as soon as I entered hotel, I felt a certain ‘Peace’… the Peace that I remembered and missed, flow over me.
I had a choice, so had requested a quiet room where I could see the ocean and so was on the 5th floor and there could see the huge black storm clouds flying across the angry sky chased by patches of occasional clean blue over a raging foamy sea with crashing waves. What a reflection of my own heart. Before taking my coat off I got on my knees and committed this time to The Lord. No long deep prayer…none had been coming out…just ‘Lord, here am I. Help! Please, Holy Spirit, search my heart for sin and lead me to repentance that I might go as clean as I can in this state to this meeting.’ I decided to give this ‘woman’ one hour. I could get up and leave and spend time in the storm at the ocean (yes…I do love that sort of thing) or in my room sitting, undisturbed, before Him. I went down to the meeting, purposefully leaving my glasses in the room. If there was someone there whom I knew, I did NOT want to see them!
I did NOT want to see ANYONE. I did NOT want to talk to ANYONE. Period!
Following worship, the woman walked to the front and it gave me a start. She was the duplicate of my natural sister…even to the haircut. I cleared my eyes. My heart softened a bit. As she spoke it softened more. I listened. Every scripture was touching me. She was solid in The Word! She was real. I listened. Suddenly she stopped, listening to The Spirit. ‘Before I go on I feel that I should share a bit of my background. I was a philosophy major at Queens College in NY.’ My ears went up. I, too, had been a student at Queens College. She began mentioning names that I knew. She shared how most of the other students in the philosophy department were rabbinical students and she was the loan Christian…how she had been challenged, shamed, even persecuted, and how she went through a tremendous crisis of faith, being challenged by both the philosophies of the worlds religions as well as the students and professors. She shared how The Lord pulled her off of the edge – powerful testimony! – and how she went on from that point to speak boldly, and finally hold a study of the New Testament with about 7 of the rabbinical students…and how their lives were touched. I was listening closely, so stirred…but then she said ‘By the time I graduated from Queens College, a group of 15 of us believers were walking the campus daily, entering each building, and claiming each Jewish student for The Lord Jesus!’ LIGHTENING went through me and I felt The Lord say to me ‘Do you see her? She prayed for YOU!’…and I began to weep, as this woman who was my sister’s twin, stood before me here in Israel…having traveled here with 8 other women as a gift to the weary body in Israel at their own expense! She came for ME! He sent her for ME! ‘CAN THESE DRY BONES LIVE?’ …’AH LORD, YOU KNOW!’…I was suddenly able to put many words to my prayers that first night and stayed there on my knees for a long time. Making my way to my room, I though about what had happened, as well as all of the other things that she shared, and then read my Bible before Him until I fell into a deep sleep. Through the night the storm raged and I was wakened several times by huge blasts of wind hitting the windows with great force. I looked out the window and could see the waves, foamy, mountainous, crashing up over the highway…and each time I awoke I praised Him for the deep Peace within my heart. And I went to sleep again.
In the morning I felt clean. I felt quiet. I felt alive. ‘Yes…THESE DRY BONES CAN LIVE!’
I read. I prayed. There were huge hail stones hitting the window. I did so want to walk a bit on the beach while I was here, but did not want to get soaked. I told The Lord. At 20 to 9am, the sun cam out! I ran to the beach and ran along the shore singing in The Spirit and praising The Lord with a freedom that I have not felt in so long. Full of renewed freedom, I was in the meeting by 9am. What did HE do in me? I don’t know. He BREATHED and I lived. And I LOVED this woman! Actually, I realized that I love everyone in the room! “Lord. My emotions concerning what this woman said are too big, so I do NOT want to talk to her and just drain her. If YOU want me to share with her how her life influenced me…please have her approach me”. So many women were pressing around her waiting to talk to her and pray with her.
The morning meeting was full with about 100 Israeli women present from around the country. I opened my Bible to read and pray as I waited for the meeting to begin. My eyes were closed in prayer when I felt a hand on my back. She had sat beside me and said, ‘I don’t know what it is, but The Lord loves you so much and wants to bless you and fill you.’ I burst out crying! I told her how impossible it was for me to be here and how The Lord had propelled me. Then I told her how I was alive, both physically and spiritually, thanks to her prayers for ME…at Queens College back in 1960! She looked startled. We prayed together for quite awhile. When she got up to speak she said; ‘I received an unexpected gift, a divine appointment. “Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days.” One does not often get to see the fruit of such prayers…but here is ‘bread’!’ She called me up and asked me to share…and then they all prayed for me.
So…how long does it take for open heart surgery? The space of one Breath from The Lord!
And I KNOW that so many of you are also part of this…praying for me. I can not thank The Lord enough. I can not thank YOU enough either, for your prayers and support. I feel a new boldness to share Him. And a new freedom concerning the problems that had become overwhelming; He is carrying them again. Thank you, and God bless you. May we glorify Him and finish the work! Lovingly, your sis
ani b’derek
